im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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