Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
this will be a night to untag.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
