So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
