So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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