I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
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