you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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