Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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