I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
