dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
