you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
