I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
