I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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