she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize