k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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