So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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