for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
