Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
