Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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