If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
