We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
