Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
