I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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