awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize