I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just pee around me
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
