Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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