i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
we're making bets on your personal life
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
