Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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