I don't remember. Are we still dating?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize