Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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