I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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