if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
