i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
