whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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