i don't like sucking hair
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
