i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
