Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
