I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Rumble strips road head = magical
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
