youre lurking in front of me
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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