lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
