highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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