best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
