she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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