You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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