My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
