it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
