This is not my ceiling
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
