she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
