You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
