I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
