Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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