jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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