Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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