a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
