Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize