i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
