i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
NoShamevember. You game?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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