I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
