Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
