hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
