its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize