12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize