Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
