I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
