I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
