What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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