He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
