His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
