turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
