I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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